There is too much truth in the starving artist stereotype.
Whether it be writing, painting, sculpture, dance, singing, opera, or artistic vandalistic impressionism, the arts have rarely led to the road paved with gold. Writing, of course, is one of the easiest ways you can join this brigade of hopeful fools and dreamers.
Yes, we all know of the rich and famous who have been so talented or so lucky usually, that they have made their way to the top of the pile and can afford an Iranian caviar and Russian Vodka diet. But for the remaining millions of hopefuls, we eat, well, what we can, when we can.
This, though, has a great side benefit. Especially if you are a bit on the chubby side. Why bother paying for those expensive coaches, diet books and pills?
Why spend all day trying to find products that are fat, salt, gluten and cyanide free? Just start a new career as a writer and you’ll be losing those pounds faster than you could ever have imagined possible.
Want a waif-like Twiggy figure? Easy. Guaranteed. Two months after publishing your masterpiece you’ll be able to check that your royalty payments are exactly zero, and although you may have sold a few copies, you’ll have to wait another six months before you see any of the proceeds.
You’ll be wafer thin by then! As will your bank balance. Your friends will be so envious. The body you’ve always wanted and the bragging rights of being an author.
The other advantage is that starvation rapidly increases the ageing process, and we all know that old authors are held in much higher esteem than any young ‘Johnny or Jane Come Latelys’. So you’ll be in that wonderful group of senior writers extra fast.
Then you’ll only be a stone’s throw away from being able to undertake a ‘Roy Orbison’ career move – die and become an overnight success.
This page was last updated on September 11th, 2017